Hello drivers and seat covers, and how’s the blacktop road treating you?
It’s almost time for the snow to start causing problems everywhere, so remember that Miles and I worry about you out there … if those flakes are comin’ in faster than they do at a family reunion (your in-laws are ‘flakes’ – get it?) then please think about pulling over a little early for the night. Miles always says it takes less time in the long run to pull over and wait for the snowplows to clear the highway than to put on chains and hope you make it. I know, I know, you got deadlines to meet – just don’t make it a real ‘dead’ line, ok?
Well, Thanksgiving is already past. What’s happened to the calendar lately? Several other people I’ve talked to want to know where are August and September; let alone the rest of last summer. I think maybe the world really has started spinnin’ faster an’ we’re just now realizing it.
Now I’m gonna fuss at you some more. You know how I admire good-lookin’ hairy-chested truckers who have clean shirts and good manners on and look like they deserve to be called ‘Knights of the Road.’ I was outside the cab holdin’ the hose nozzle for Miles the other day at a truck stop (won’t say where) and I noticed another trucker at the next fuel island.
We got to talkin’ for a little bit, and then Miles came grumbling back from the fuel desk (nowadays I don’t know anyone who isn’t grumbling when they pay – ooooeee does that hurt!) so I told the other trucker so long and climbed back up in the cab.
Well. I don’t care if he wasn’t married, as he said, he had no excuse to be goin’ around looking that bad. His beard had rats in it, I do believe. It looked like it from all the tangles. His hair was greasy hanging down from a muddy hat, an’ when he turned around to finish fueling his truck, his britches looked like they were going to slide right on off him.
Since when do truckers go around lookin’ like dirty ’ol men?
My stars and garters! Even a homeless shelter wouldn’t have taken him in. Showers are available out there on the road, boys – and barbers too, come to think of it. I don’t recall ever seein’ anyone who had his right seat cover with him looking that bad. If this guy wants to even think about getting married again, he’d better at least take a bath once in a while. Sure am glad the breeze was blowin’ away from me … ol’ Skunk Breath over there probably would’ve curled my eyelashes.
An’ while I’m at it, speakin’ of manners, what has happened to sayin’ “Thank You” when someone flashes their lights at you and lets you over in their lane? It only takes two or three little return blinks, drivers, and it sure makes the trucker who slowed down and made room for you feel good. Miles is always mutterin’ under his breath about ‘the snot-nosed kid who can’t even have the courtesy to say “Thanks, Pop!” after I’ve let him slide over here.’
I had a good time when I went in to get a loaf of bread and some other things at a truck stop last Monday, though. Every driver who had to squeeze past me to get to the other side of the cashier’s line said, “Excuse me.” Now wasn’t that nice? But I do wish that young blonde girl hadn’t pushed the potato chip display back up against the wall. Spoiled all my fun, openin’ up a nice wide aisle like that.
Well, enough of my preachin’ for now. I know most of you have hearts as big as your rigs are, an’ it’s just a few who are out on the road being discourteous and dirtier than Jack Allen’s hogs … but it only takes a few of us for the public to think we all act and look like that.
I ain’t no hairy-chested trucker (shut UP, Miles!) but a little soft soap will make a lot of things go smoother. Think about it.
All right, I’m gonna sign off for now. Drive safe everybody, an’ when I see Santa, I’ll give him your list!
Monday, November 29, 2004
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Don't Tread On Me - It Makes Me Tired
Hello all you guys and gals on the road –
Sorry it’s been a mite since you heard from me last. We just didn’t have time to pull over for any chit-chat, and I didn’t get the laptop out ‘til Miles had a delivery this mornin’. So anyway, here I am with my usual truckload of Tropical Sailboat Fuel (aw, c’mon, use your head – hot air, get it?).
Let’s see, I’ll bring you kinda up to date. I saw something that almost brought a tear to my eye. It was something you’d only see in America. We were in Lancaster, PA, and noticed a small bank on the corner had three drive-through lanes open, with people waiting to be helped. That wasn’t the unusual part. The first two lanes had a couple of four-wheelers in line. The last lane had a horse-drawn Amish buggy pulled up to the teller’s window. Now isn’t that the USA for you?
Seems we been runnin’ hard lately. The price of diesel fuel is enough to choke that same horse I was just talkin’ about. I heard on the news that some of the big international oil dealers were getting ready to step in, so let’s hope they do. In the meantime, my wish for all of us truckers out here is for very few idle moments, that’s for sure.
While we’ve been on the road, I heard Trucker Joe, The CB Entertainer and he got me to thinkin’, he sure deserves his handle. Some of his poems are funny, an’ others make my eyes well up like I’d been slicin’ onions. I told him, at my age, I can’t afford to cry – I’ll get rust spots. He just laughed.
Seems Mr. Shine was still out on the West hill in Albuquerque the last we heard from him. He does a great job polishing wheels and such. He can make any ol’ truck look like a show truck.
I heard something funny from my sister-in-law the other day, Florafora Wheeler. (Yeah, I know it’s a peculiar name, an’ she’s real sensitive about it. Seems when she was born, Miles’ mom called her Pa to tell him he now had a granddaughter. Well, her Pa got so excited over the news, he was yellin’ into the phone, tryin’ to tell her to name the baby after Miles’ grandma, Flora. But he lost his teeth out in the middle of all the hollerin’, and Miles’ mother, bless her heart, thought he’d said, “Name the baby Florafora! Florafora!” So she did.) Anyways, Florafora travels the country in her little RV, her an’ her five cats, an’ she went into a truck stop the other day and in the ladies’ room saw “Hoods rule – Cab-overs drool!” written on the wall. Now, that’s funny.
Reminds me, we had several cab-overs during this here long career. Our first one was back in 1937. You’ve heard all the flap lately about the Fair Labor Act. Well, I was there, ladies and gentlemen, when they passed that durn bill, an’ dadgum if it didn’t exempt farm workers and truck drivers right off the bat. I was hoppin’ mad! Miles an’ me were up in the Visitors’ Gallery there at Congress, an’ first I took off my shirt, an’ then I took off my bra an’ waved it an’ my shirt up an’ down, hollerin’ “They’re takin’ the shirts right off our backs!” in protest.
Well, nobody noticed. Except for one nasty little whippersnapper – somebody said he was a page (huh – he shouldn’t have been more than a sentence) who rudely said, “Put your shirt back on, boy!”
I was so mad – an’ of course, Miles laughed an’ laughed until he doubled over. He did later that night, too. He slept on the doghouse in our old cab-over, an’ I had the bunk to myself.
Well, guess I’d better wrap this up an’ go make a sandwich or something for Miles. He’s been findin’ all the winding roads again. I told him and told him, ever time he goes around one of them curves, the laptop keyboard goes allll theee waaaayyyyy over to the right, but he won’t believe me. Silly ol’ coot. Oh well, guess he’s still got some truckin’ to do. 110 an’ still at it, can you believe it? He says one of these days, we’ll have enough money to retire. An’ you know what he wants to do? Buy an RV an’ go travelin.’ I ask you.
’Til next time, then, like one of my favorite people on the radio, Tim Brady says, “Keep it in gear and keep it right here.” Remember, Stream 138 is for us Sirius truckers.
Yours most sincerely,
Nadine
Sorry it’s been a mite since you heard from me last. We just didn’t have time to pull over for any chit-chat, and I didn’t get the laptop out ‘til Miles had a delivery this mornin’. So anyway, here I am with my usual truckload of Tropical Sailboat Fuel (aw, c’mon, use your head – hot air, get it?).
Let’s see, I’ll bring you kinda up to date. I saw something that almost brought a tear to my eye. It was something you’d only see in America. We were in Lancaster, PA, and noticed a small bank on the corner had three drive-through lanes open, with people waiting to be helped. That wasn’t the unusual part. The first two lanes had a couple of four-wheelers in line. The last lane had a horse-drawn Amish buggy pulled up to the teller’s window. Now isn’t that the USA for you?
Seems we been runnin’ hard lately. The price of diesel fuel is enough to choke that same horse I was just talkin’ about. I heard on the news that some of the big international oil dealers were getting ready to step in, so let’s hope they do. In the meantime, my wish for all of us truckers out here is for very few idle moments, that’s for sure.
While we’ve been on the road, I heard Trucker Joe, The CB Entertainer and he got me to thinkin’, he sure deserves his handle. Some of his poems are funny, an’ others make my eyes well up like I’d been slicin’ onions. I told him, at my age, I can’t afford to cry – I’ll get rust spots. He just laughed.
Seems Mr. Shine was still out on the West hill in Albuquerque the last we heard from him. He does a great job polishing wheels and such. He can make any ol’ truck look like a show truck.
I heard something funny from my sister-in-law the other day, Florafora Wheeler. (Yeah, I know it’s a peculiar name, an’ she’s real sensitive about it. Seems when she was born, Miles’ mom called her Pa to tell him he now had a granddaughter. Well, her Pa got so excited over the news, he was yellin’ into the phone, tryin’ to tell her to name the baby after Miles’ grandma, Flora. But he lost his teeth out in the middle of all the hollerin’, and Miles’ mother, bless her heart, thought he’d said, “Name the baby Florafora! Florafora!” So she did.) Anyways, Florafora travels the country in her little RV, her an’ her five cats, an’ she went into a truck stop the other day and in the ladies’ room saw “Hoods rule – Cab-overs drool!” written on the wall. Now, that’s funny.
Reminds me, we had several cab-overs during this here long career. Our first one was back in 1937. You’ve heard all the flap lately about the Fair Labor Act. Well, I was there, ladies and gentlemen, when they passed that durn bill, an’ dadgum if it didn’t exempt farm workers and truck drivers right off the bat. I was hoppin’ mad! Miles an’ me were up in the Visitors’ Gallery there at Congress, an’ first I took off my shirt, an’ then I took off my bra an’ waved it an’ my shirt up an’ down, hollerin’ “They’re takin’ the shirts right off our backs!” in protest.
Well, nobody noticed. Except for one nasty little whippersnapper – somebody said he was a page (huh – he shouldn’t have been more than a sentence) who rudely said, “Put your shirt back on, boy!”
I was so mad – an’ of course, Miles laughed an’ laughed until he doubled over. He did later that night, too. He slept on the doghouse in our old cab-over, an’ I had the bunk to myself.
Well, guess I’d better wrap this up an’ go make a sandwich or something for Miles. He’s been findin’ all the winding roads again. I told him and told him, ever time he goes around one of them curves, the laptop keyboard goes allll theee waaaayyyyy over to the right, but he won’t believe me. Silly ol’ coot. Oh well, guess he’s still got some truckin’ to do. 110 an’ still at it, can you believe it? He says one of these days, we’ll have enough money to retire. An’ you know what he wants to do? Buy an RV an’ go travelin.’ I ask you.
’Til next time, then, like one of my favorite people on the radio, Tim Brady says, “Keep it in gear and keep it right here.” Remember, Stream 138 is for us Sirius truckers.
Yours most sincerely,
Nadine
Friday, October 08, 2004
Keep on Truckin'
I've seen all 48 states but not everything in each state, so I'm still travelin'. And Miles - that's my husband; he still likes to travel too. We've been married since January, 1, 1912. We got married in New Mexico Territory - that means before it was a state. Miles was 18 an' I was a blushing bride of 16. I won't say my old coot's been driving a long time, but the first driving job he had, he yelled "Git up!" and "Whoa!" a lot of the time. Funny how fast them hay-burners seemed in those days.
Miles scared me here a while back. We'd pulled into a Rest Stop after the last delivery (empty trailer - you know, no place to go for a while), and I kinda wondered why we just sat for three days. He wouldn't talk to me - I figured either he was in one of his moods, or maybe he'd turned off his hearing aids again.
Well, we sat there and sat there and finally a State Trooper came by and banged on the cab door the third morning and asked, "Is everything okay in there?"
I rolled my window down and said, "Well, I guess it is -"
And the Trooper said, "Phew - what is that awful smell?"
And I thought, "Oh, oh - did Miles up and die behind the wheel, like he always said he was going to? I thought it was his socks."
So the Trooper called the Emergency Medical folks an' they came rushing out in a ambulance with the red lights whirring and siren screaming. They started working Miles over when they got him out of the cab. Miles came around. He started yelling, "That's enough, Nadine! Leave me alone! How many times a month do you want to get frisky, you nasty ol' woman?"
So that awful smell was Miles' socks after all.
You know what was funny? The Trooper made Miles take them socks off, and then he went an' SHOT those poor defenseless socks. Said it was the only decent way to put them out of their misery.
Guess I'd better get to movin' on. Oh, before I go, wanna hear some good gossip?
Seems Showtime and his fantastic Lady are gonna tie the knot. Hope they're happy, an' stay hitched at least as long as Miles and me. You know, I'd love to be a bridesmaid - they're gettin' married right on the air on Open Road Cafe, Trucker's Network at Sirius (Stream 138) - but what do you want to bet Miles won't get a load goin' anywhere near Dallas that day?
Left Lane's still out there drivin'; so's Robert Kuhle. I keep tellin' them boys they need to take it easy onct in a while, but they don't listen. I even offered to go along on some of their runs, just to keep 'em company, but they both turned a little pale - they're neither one gettin' any sun, that's obvious - an' said their dispatchers wouldn't let them take anyone along. Hmph. Mighty strict dispatchers.
Tony Mom got himself that fancy-shmancy truck what was on the back of the Motor Carriers Road Atlas for 2003. Real purty - wish Miles would spring for somethin' nice like that.
While you're on line lookin' around, check out HouseholdDrivers.com an' Driversmag.com. Good reading, and just for us truckers.
Guess I'd really better head out now. Miles is threatenin' to leave me here at the Diamond B - so I'll say 'bye for now, an' I'll see you behind the headlights someday. You-all drive safe now!
Nadine
Miles scared me here a while back. We'd pulled into a Rest Stop after the last delivery (empty trailer - you know, no place to go for a while), and I kinda wondered why we just sat for three days. He wouldn't talk to me - I figured either he was in one of his moods, or maybe he'd turned off his hearing aids again.
Well, we sat there and sat there and finally a State Trooper came by and banged on the cab door the third morning and asked, "Is everything okay in there?"
I rolled my window down and said, "Well, I guess it is -"
And the Trooper said, "Phew - what is that awful smell?"
And I thought, "Oh, oh - did Miles up and die behind the wheel, like he always said he was going to? I thought it was his socks."
So the Trooper called the Emergency Medical folks an' they came rushing out in a ambulance with the red lights whirring and siren screaming. They started working Miles over when they got him out of the cab. Miles came around. He started yelling, "That's enough, Nadine! Leave me alone! How many times a month do you want to get frisky, you nasty ol' woman?"
So that awful smell was Miles' socks after all.
You know what was funny? The Trooper made Miles take them socks off, and then he went an' SHOT those poor defenseless socks. Said it was the only decent way to put them out of their misery.
Guess I'd better get to movin' on. Oh, before I go, wanna hear some good gossip?
Seems Showtime and his fantastic Lady are gonna tie the knot. Hope they're happy, an' stay hitched at least as long as Miles and me. You know, I'd love to be a bridesmaid - they're gettin' married right on the air on Open Road Cafe, Trucker's Network at Sirius (Stream 138) - but what do you want to bet Miles won't get a load goin' anywhere near Dallas that day?
Left Lane's still out there drivin'; so's Robert Kuhle. I keep tellin' them boys they need to take it easy onct in a while, but they don't listen. I even offered to go along on some of their runs, just to keep 'em company, but they both turned a little pale - they're neither one gettin' any sun, that's obvious - an' said their dispatchers wouldn't let them take anyone along. Hmph. Mighty strict dispatchers.
Tony Mom got himself that fancy-shmancy truck what was on the back of the Motor Carriers Road Atlas for 2003. Real purty - wish Miles would spring for somethin' nice like that.
While you're on line lookin' around, check out HouseholdDrivers.com an' Driversmag.com. Good reading, and just for us truckers.
Guess I'd really better head out now. Miles is threatenin' to leave me here at the Diamond B - so I'll say 'bye for now, an' I'll see you behind the headlights someday. You-all drive safe now!
Nadine
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Honk If You Love Truckin' !
Hello truckers and right seat covers - across the USA and around the world!
This is Nadine Wheeler, the oldest (108 years young) Right Seat Cover in the eighteen-wheeled adventure known as truckin' ... and if you don't know what a Right Seat Cover is, well, then, young'uns, you're reading the wrong blog!
Gotta go for now - get it in gear and take off up the information super highway. My husband, Miles, is still driving at 110 ... but I generally have to go help the old coot get started. You other ladies who travel with your driver/husbands know what I mean. We'll have our satellite radio on - gotta listen to Open Road Cafe every weekday morning, you know. I really like Sirius Trucking Network Stream 138 - it's geared just for us truckers. I hear they're talking about adding a new show or two, one with a real trucker on it - that Tim Brady, now, he's a hoot. Kinda young, if you ask me (he's only been driving 23 years) but still, a good kid. If you'd like to have more real truckers on the radio to listen to (I might get my own program too someday - you never know), be sure and call Open Road Cafe and tell 'em. You can reach them at 888-782-5966 - and tell them Nadine Wheeler sent you.
You-all drive safe now!
Nadine
This is Nadine Wheeler, the oldest (108 years young) Right Seat Cover in the eighteen-wheeled adventure known as truckin' ... and if you don't know what a Right Seat Cover is, well, then, young'uns, you're reading the wrong blog!
Gotta go for now - get it in gear and take off up the information super highway. My husband, Miles, is still driving at 110 ... but I generally have to go help the old coot get started. You other ladies who travel with your driver/husbands know what I mean. We'll have our satellite radio on - gotta listen to Open Road Cafe every weekday morning, you know. I really like Sirius Trucking Network Stream 138 - it's geared just for us truckers. I hear they're talking about adding a new show or two, one with a real trucker on it - that Tim Brady, now, he's a hoot. Kinda young, if you ask me (he's only been driving 23 years) but still, a good kid. If you'd like to have more real truckers on the radio to listen to (I might get my own program too someday - you never know), be sure and call Open Road Cafe and tell 'em. You can reach them at 888-782-5966 - and tell them Nadine Wheeler sent you.
You-all drive safe now!
Nadine
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